Oh My Gosh, Look at Her Butt, Bass, Rape Culture, Macaw!

The other day I was mindlessly listening to the radio and heard my 23-month-old son singing along in the back seat. Awww cute. Wait a minute. What song is this? Anaconda. What did my sweet boy just say? I quickly changed the radio station when I realized that my son had sung the words “skinny bitches.” Not that he understood what he was singing, but, still.

Later that same day, my five-year-old daughter was singing along to Bang, Bang, by Jesse J, a song of which I can understand maybe three lines, which is probably a good thing. I stopped her and asked her what she was singing. Her response:

Bring baby into the room
Bring baby into the room
Wait a minute, and I’ll take you there
Wait a minute.
Bring baby into your heart
Come and see my macaw

Those of you who know the song, know that those are the not the actual lyrics. I had to look them up. They are:

Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)
Bang bang all over you (I’ll let you have it)
Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)
Wait a minute tell you (ah)
Bang bang there goes your heart (I know you want it)
Back, back seat of my car (I’ll let you have it)

Her five-year-old version included words and concepts she understood, sung along to the catchy tune. It gave me warm fuzzies to think that for her, the song is about a baby and a tropical bird. But, I am probably going to pay more attention to what’s on the radio from now on.

I listened to a lot of music as a young child. On the radio and on my parents eight track player – ABBA, Prince, the Flashdance soundtrack, Pink Floyd, Gloria Gaynor, Donna Summer. It was the 80’s. While music contained adult themes, it wasn’t nearly as graphic or mature as pop music today. And while I don’t want to censor music for my kids – everyone who has been a teenager knows how well that works – I want to make sure that my kids don’t learn the values of a misogynistic culture by osmosis. So, I pay attention to the messages that my kids may receive when they listen to songs on the radio.

• Blurred Lines (Robin Thicke): Who needs consent? Even though you say you don’t want to have sex with me, I know you really do. Here, have some drugs, because that will help wear you down.
• All About That Bass (Meghan Trainor): Your main goal as a girl should be for boys to view you as a sexual object and want you. It’s okay to make fun of thin people who are unhappy with the way they look, as long as you add the words “just playing” afterwards.
• Anaconda (Nicki Minaj): My goal is for men to view me as a sexual object. Although I am thin, I sing about how horrible “skinny bitches” are, while taking pride in what I consider to be a fat ass, which enables me to attract men. Ironically, I replace the word – “God,” with “gosh,” yet include the phrase: “Fuck those skinny bitches in the club!”
• Animals (Maroon 5): You broke up with me. I am going to stalk you and possibly rape or kill you. You say you don’t want me, but you are lying. (excuse me while I vomit)

Please don’t misunderstand. When it comes on the radio, I find myself singing along to All About That Bass. It has a catchy tune and a message of empowerment and self acceptance. I am definitely pro-sex positivity and self-confidence. Incidentally, K thinks that the lyrics to that song are: I am all about the best, no trouble. Awwww. I wish that more artists would create music with positive messages, and I feel sad that Ms. Trainer probably thinks that a girl’s value is determined by what boys desire. If her mama told her that, it must be the case. Yuck. I try to reinforce the messages that self-worth is not determined by how you look or what size clothes you wear. To me, the message that boys like big butts is just as detrimental as the message that boys like skinny bitches, because it gives the power to boys, not to a girl to determine what she likes and how she wants to look.

Likewise, the first time I heard Blurred Lines, I loved the tune – before I listened to the awful lyrics. However, this is probably because I love the song from which he stole that tune – Got to Give it Up, by Marvin Gaye – ironically, a song about someone finding their confidence on the dance floor. Jam break!

I am angry that Mr. Thicke took such a great tune and made it so rapey. Who is his target audience for that message? Wait. Don’t answer that.

Don’t get me wrong. There are some pretty positive messages in pop songs, too. Some of my favorites:

• Secrets, She Keeps Me Warm, Body Love, (Mary Lambert) – pretty much all of her music makes me warm, fuzzy, confident and empowered. I am good no matter what. I don’t need someone to want me to be good.
• Raise Your Glass (Pink): Let’s celebrate being ourselves.
• Stronger (Kelly Clarkson): I left you and am stronger for it. I don’t need to be in a relationship to be awesome. I rely on myself.
• All of Me (John Legend): I love everything about you, even your imperfections, even when you are sad. We are equal partners in our relationship.
• Same Love (Mackelmore and Ryan Lewis): Love is love. Everyone should be able to love whomever they love.
• Happy (Pharrell Williams) – I am happy and won’t let others get me down.

I will always be a music lover. I don’t think I will get to the point where we only listen to the Frozen soundtrack in the car, and I am prepared to talk about concepts as they come up and my kids have questions, if it’s possible in an age-appropriate way. I will also change the channel when Anaconda, Blurred Lines or Animals come on the radio, because my kids don’t need a dose of sexism and rape culture with their car ride to school.

Embarrassing Disclosure: Until last year, I thought the words to Little Red Corvette by Prince were “Baby, come back!” I guess, like mother, like daughter.

Feature Image: Steph, all rights reserved.