Top Five Reasons Why Dating a Feminist is Hard

Some nights when I am drinking from my mug of male tears and blogging about rape culture and abortion rights, I contemplate how hard it must be to date a feminist. Why even try? Is it worth it? Seems like a lot of work.




 Top five reasons why dating a feminist is hard:

  1. They have opinions. Strong opinions. About things like equality, gender roles, politics, rape culture, consent, sexuality, birth control, bodily autonomy, abortion, racism, parenting, and a variety of other challenging topics. They like discussing these topics ad nauseam, and they have some beliefs, opinions and values about which they aren’t willing to compromise at all.
  2. image.american-apparel-unisex-fitted-tee.black.w460h520b3z1They use big words and often enjoy discussing complex topics like rape culture, enthusiastic consent, bodily autonomy and appropriation. They not only enjoy learning about the world and having academic and intellectual discussions, but they are motivated to try to change the parts of that world that are harmful, rather than changing themselves to accommodate others or to fit in.
  3. They aren’t afraid to challenge you or your ideas about the world or to tell you something you don’t want to hear. They are unwilling to stand by when they see injustice and will tell you that your rape joke isn’t funny even when everyone else in the room is laughing. They aren’t afraid to be unpopular or disappointing or to challenge the status quo. They are honest and blunt. What a drag.
  4. Speaking of enthusiastic consent, they have this bizarre idea that sex that involves enthusiastic consent is way hotter than sex with a partner who is ambivalent, who doesn’t communicate their needs, or who has been coerced, convinced or begged. That it’s fun to learn what your partner desires, wants and doesn’t want and that to respect those things means that real intimacy or at least some real fun can be achieved. They expect that when they set boundaries, those boundaries will be respected and honored. They respect others’ boundaries even when they are disappointed.
  5. They are activists who can’t just let things go. They call into radio shows, participate in protests, blog, post on social media and speak publicly about the issues that matter to them. They are critical of media and pop culture that reinforces things they dislike about the world like rape culture, sexism and racism. They participate in events like SlutWalk. They don’t feel ashamed when doing this. They don’t care if they are the only person holding a sign across from 50 people with an opposing viewpoint. They are proud of their activism, even when it is unpopular.

On second thought, dating a feminist sounds fucking awesome. From now on, I am only dating feminists.

Image credits: Male Tears Mug, Feminist as Fuck Shirt

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Steph recently traded single parenthood to two awesome kids (3 and 7) for marriage to a great guy with two awesome kids (5 and 10). Their adventures in parenting are set in a tiny town in the middle of a corn field. Their newest edition is due in February 2017. In late 2015 she left her stressful, more than full-time job with a victim services agency to pursue writing and activism. When she's not busy writing, chasing kids around, cleaning up messes and engaging in social justice warfare, Steph enjoys snuggling, making pies, engaging in debates on the internet, yoga, and fitness. A recovered natural parent, Steph now considers herself a semi-crunchy peaceful parent and trusts science, evidence and common sense to lead the way. She has been actively involved in the reproductive and women's rights movements for more than 20 years and is a passionate pro-choice feminist.

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