Parenting Styles

Skeptical Parenting

Skeptical Parenting

Being a parent is the hardest job any of us can have, but being a skeptical parent offers it’s own set of challenges.   There are several issues that come up when you are trying to raise your children to think critically and skeptically that the average parent probably doesn’t have to deal with, or even think about.   How do you handle the ever-present BS that seems to be everywhere in our society?  What should you say when your child asks about god?  These are just a couple of the things that you will face when raising children skeptically.

Below, I have outlined the most important steps that you, as a parent, can take to help your children become critical thinkers and skeptics.  I provide examples of my own approach which should serve to illustrate these concepts in action.  Since I can only speak from my own experience, please understand that these are not hard and fast rules, but are things that have worked for me, and as such, they are by default anecdotal.

Before I give you some specific examples from my experiences, let me tell you a bit about my kids and myself.  I’m a single parent, and although the kids see their mom, it is only a few hours a week (her choice, not mine).  My son is 16 and my daughter is 13.  That said, lets get to the examples.

3623768629_d854236b17_m by Karola Riegler

Promoting Critical Thinking

Promoting critical thinking is the single most important thing that you can do to help your children to become skeptics and critical thinkers.  It took me a while to find the right ways to teach these all-important skills to my children.  The key is to take a look at what they are reading, listening to, and watching.  Once you have a sense of the ideas that they are being exposed to in the media and socially, you can then start to hone in on the BS that you find there.

About two years ago, I found that my daughter was into ghosts. I tried explaining why I didn’t think ghosts were real.  It was difficult to get my point across until we discovered Ghost Hunters.  Yes, I know, you are groaning and rolling your eyes, but let me explain how I used this pathetic example of supposed “science” to teach my daughter.

I can sum it up in one word: sarcasm.  As we would watch the shows, I would point out the glaring misconceptions that abounded in almost every scene.  I’d do this by making fun of them.  After a few episodes, she was joining in and soon, watching Ghost Hunters became an hour of sarcasm and inside jokes at the Ghost Hunters’ expense.

One of my favorite things to point out was that the strange scratching or thumping sounds coming from the walls of these, often, old buildings was most likely caused by some kind of wildlife; rats, raccoons, or maybe birds.  Taking that, one of our favorite inside jokes has to do with the spooky music and sounds that the producers have running in the background, full of threatening undertones and highlighted by screeching strings and ominous clanks.   We decided that this was caused by the Ghost Rat Orchestra that hid in the walls of every building the TAPS team visited.

The take away from this was that my daughter came to see that everything that was being presented on GH was BS.  This translated into other areas, as I would hear her tell friends that whatever strange things that they were talking about; ghosts, demons, vampires, etc, couldn’t possibly be real and why

4684171141_7c9ea11565_m-smby Surian Soosay

Calling BS when you see it, and explaining why it is BS.

Anytime something comes up that has even a hint of pseudoscience or magical thinking, you must point it out and call it what it is; BS.  The more often your kids hear you explain why certain pseudoscientific or religious things are wrong, the more they come to see these things on their own.

202872717_a8a4799419_m by Duncan Hull

Question EVERYTHING!

I always tell my children to question everything.  I explain that they should never accept anything anyone tells them at face value without an explanation of why it is true or how it works.  This include things that their friends tell them, things that their teachers teach them in school, and, most importantly, things that I, their mom, and step dad tell them.  I always explain to them why I believe something to be so, but their mom and step dad don’t always have the same respect for the truth that I do.  I don’t disparage their mom and step dad, but I merely ask the kids how they know that what they were told is true.  I tell them to go ask for more information and insist on an answer.  They have come back several times to report that there was much back peddling and hemming and hawing to be had when questions were raised.

5556605271_4d4fd700c9_m-sm by –Tico–

Answering questions about god and religion honestly.

When my children have come to me and asked about god or other religious issues, I always start by explaining there are many different ideas and beliefs about god and each religion has different ideas about things.

If they have asked a specific question, like, “Did Jesus rise from the dead?”, I will explain the various contradictions in the bible concerning the resurrection story and then I will tell them about the other similar resurrection myths that were prevalent in the Near East at the time Christianity was founded.  I don’t tell them that it is right or wrong to believe these stories, or to believe in a god, I just give them the facts as I know them and let them decide.

Sharing your beliefs without promoting your beliefs.

I never outright told my children that I didn’t believe in god until I was asked.  Then, I explained my reasons for not believing, answered any questions they had, and left it at that.  I never told them, and never will, that they should believe as I do.  I make it clear that the decision as to what to believe is theirs, and theirs alone.  I think that I must be doing something right because my son openly identifies as an atheist and my daughter as an agnostic.

The details of how to help your children become critical thinkers and have a skeptical outlook will vary according to your own situation and the personalities of the children involved, but the five points I listed should be a good starting point for conversations and learning.

Featured Image by Steve Wilson

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Jay

Jay

Jay is a dad, husband, and pet lover. He has a degree in Theater Arts and works as a Unix systems administrator, mainly because he has a degree in Theater Arts. He used to be a single dad, but now he is married to the perfect woman. He has two teenagers, a daughter, and a step-son. He also has an adult son. He shares his home with his wife, kids, an Australian Shepherd, and a bevy of adorable chihuahuas. He is a skeptic and humanist and tries to contribute to spreading rationality by writing about skeptical topics. You can find samples of his writing on his personal blog at Freethinking For Dummies, the JREF blog, and in Skeptical Inquirer magazine.

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