Mild trigger warning: Discussion of Woody Allen and Dylan Farrow but no specific details about the abuse.
When the Woody Allen scandal broke the first time around, I wasn’t a parent and I didn’t care. All I needed to know? Woody Allen was never charged with a crime. That was good enough for me.
I barely read anything about Dylan Farrow. It was all about Woody, Mia and Soon Yi. While that whole mess certainly seemed weird to me, everything about Woody Allen and Mia Farrow seemed weird. They weren’t married, lived in separate apartments and had about eight gazillion kids.
Besides, I had always loved Woody Allen movies. Sleeper, Bananas, Manhattan, Annie Hall (of course), Crimes and Misdemeanors…I was never that girl who knew The Princess Bride by heart and I didn’t really get those Chevy Chase Vacation movies. I was kind of a weird, funny Jewish kid, and I liked that Woody Allen movies were weird, funny and Jewish too.
But everything seems different now. Dylan is an adult and a mother, and so am I. I feel connected to her and not to him. Woody Allen turned forty in the 1970s. He doesn’t know what Twitter is. I get it, Woody and Woody’s friends, Frank Sinatra had a magic dick that Mia just could not quit, but that does nothing to address Dylan’s allegations. All of these sordid and strange details — the stabby Valentine, scorned Mia, Roman Polanski — are just background noise. Today, all I need to know is this: Dylan’s account has remained the same, false claims of sexual assault are rare, and the investigation would never be handled in the same way if it happened today.
I’m just not experiencing any sort of intellectual meltdown over separating Woody Allen the artist from Woody Allen the sick, fucked up creep. If you’ve ever hung around any funny people, you know that fucked up is a pretty common denominator. But, wait, you’re thinking, fucked up doesn’t mean you molest kids. Of course not. But sometimes it does. Like, for example, Woody Allen. I was wrong about him. But I’m a parent now, and everything seems different.