Ages 13-17 (Teen)AtheismHumorUncategorized

Are you there, God? It’s me, Elizabeth Lauten.

It really does take a village to raise a child but with the Village comes the occasional Village Idiot. Sometimes this Idiot is a lovable stranger in line at the grocery store loudly shouting Roku instructions to his family and sometimes the Idiot is Gwyneth Paltrow who believes that grown women like dressing like sexy catwoman (for $1,700.00 no less!). This week, former Congressional communications director Elizabeth Lauten is our Village Idiot. Click here for mindblowing story of Adult Person forgetting how lucky she is to be employed in this economy.

Being developmentally inappropriate is a problem that a lot of people have. We sometimes get tricked into thinking that it’s ok to be casual with our collective kids and speak either to them or about them like adults. Just as often, we adults forget that we aren’t kids anymore and have things like mortgages and car payments that require grown up stuff like a job and act like kids.

Lauten did apologize in this pathetic and self infantilizing Facebook post.


I would have rather that she post “My bad, got way wasted at Thanksgiving and lost my shit over Obama’s kids. That was hella stupid!”

What the hell did she pray about, anyway? Did she pray for winning lottery numbers or for a time machine or a giant astroid to destroy us all? I can’t imagine why it took many hours of prayer to “more clearly see” what is wrong with shaming young girls.

I think she though that mentioning “praying” would make her seem “moral” but “heathens” like me see though that bullshit. Just say you are sorry. You really can be sorry without prayer, I do it all of the time. I own up to my mistakes, try to learn from them and move on. Really, it’s a good thing.

I prefer not to believe in a creator god. It frees up my weekends and allows me to think for myself. Besides, if there really is an all knowing, omnipotent and omnipresent God, I very seriously doubt that she has an inferiority complex.

In addition to forgetting that it isn’t ok to trash talk children, Lauten also forgot the first rule of running communications: don’t make yourself the story. Maybe god reminded her of that (although god is absolutely the worst offender of that rule).

It’s tough being an adult and personally, most days I hate it. If you harm only yourself with your childish anticts, fine. When your actions hurt our Village’s kids, you’re going to hear from the Village.


Katie Anderson is a freelance writer and improv theater instructor. Her work has appeared in Alt Daily , HuffPost Parents and Anderson has written comedy for Panties in a Twist: All Female Comedy and a weekly live stage show, Second City This Week in Los Angeles. She is currently working on a practical guide for parents and caregivers of autistic individuals to be published sometime in the next few years (get off her back, it's hard to write a book). Katie holds a BA in Psychology from The Ohio State University. She lives with her academic rock star husband, one of her three kids and two very spoiled cats in Virginia. Follow her on Twitter @ improvperson.

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