I could probably spend the rest of my writing career re-writing Meghan Trainor lyrics to be less problematic and sexist. I may never run out of material. It was bad enough when she thought it was a good idea for moms to teach their daughters that attracting a man should be their main goal in life. I get that people want to like her as a poster child for body positivity and independence. But, seriously, we already have Mary Lambert for that, folks. With Ms. Trainor’s latest single, “Dear Future Husband,” I have a lot I would like to change. Take a listen.
I had such high hopes. The tune is fun, she looks beautiful, and she reinforces the idea that a woman’s place is in the workforce and not in the kitchen. Awesome. But then she goes on to create a seriously problematic archetype of an ideal woman that all men supposedly want, which I know (hope) is not accurate and not really fair to either women or men. And she doesn’t just imply, but outright states several times, that one should do nice things for others in exchange for sexual favors. Gross.
While I fully support any person’s desire to play whatever role they want to play within a consensual, loving relationship, I don’t think that we should reinforce heteronormativity and problematic gender roles in a song supposedly about what a modern woman wants. All people deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Why does misogyny have to have such a catchy tune?
Here’s my personal take on what a future partner needs to offer me.
Dear Future Partner
Dear future partner,
Here’s a few things
You’ll need to know if you want to be
My one and only for a while.
Join me on a date
we’ll communicate
And don’t forget respect and love me every single day
‘Cause if you treat me well
I’ll be my perfect self
buying groceries
together getting what we need
You got that 9 to 5
but frankly so do I
But also some days I’ll be home and baking apple pies
Because I like to cook and
I can read a book
Sing along with me
Sing-sing along with me
You gotta know how to treat me like a person
Even when I’m acting pensive
don’t tell me everything’s alright
Dear future partner,
Here’s a few things you’ll need to know if you wanna be
My one and only for a while
Dear future partner,
If you wanna get that special lovin’
tell me your needs and listen to mine every night
After every fight
We’ll apologize
And maybe then we can try to have some compromise
And if I was wrong
you know you will challenge me
Let’s disagree.
disagree respectfully.
You gotta know how to treat me like a person
Even when I’m acting pensive
and everything’s not alright
Dear future partner,
Here’s a few things
You’ll need to know if you wanna be
My one and only for a while
Dear future partner,
Make time for me
Don’t leave me lonely
And know we’ll always see your family and see mine
I’ll be sleeping on the outside of the bed
Open doors for me and you might get some thanks
Please have a dirty mind
and be overtly kind
Don’t buy me a thing
buy me a thing
You gotta know how to treat me like a person
Even when I’m acting pensive
and everything’s not alright
Dear future partner,
Here’s a few things you’ll need to know if you wanna be
My one and only for a while
Dear future partner,
If you wanna get that special lovin’
tell me your needs and listen to mine every night
Future partner let’s love each other right
Feature pie credit: Steph, all rights reserved.
