FeminismHumor

Dear Future Partner

I could probably spend the rest of my writing career re-writing Meghan Trainor lyrics to be less problematic and sexist. I may never run out of material. It was bad enough when she thought it was a good idea for moms to teach their daughters that attracting a man should be their main goal in life. I get that people want to like her as a poster child for body positivity and independence. But, seriously, we already have Mary Lambert for that, folks. With Ms. Trainor’s latest single, “Dear Future Husband,” I have a lot I would like to change. Take a listen.

 

I had such high hopes. The tune is fun, she looks beautiful, and she reinforces the idea that a woman’s place is in the workforce and not in the kitchen. Awesome. But then she goes on to create a seriously problematic archetype of an ideal woman that all men supposedly want, which I know (hope) is not accurate and not really fair to either women or men. And she doesn’t just imply, but outright states several times, that one should do nice things for others in exchange for sexual favors. Gross.

While I fully support any person’s desire to play whatever role they want to play within a consensual, loving relationship, I don’t think that we should reinforce heteronormativity and problematic gender roles in a song supposedly about what a modern woman wants. All people deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Why does misogyny have to have such a catchy tune?

Here’s my personal take on what a future partner needs to offer me.

Dear Future Partner

Dear future partner,
Here’s a few things
You’ll need to know if you want to be
My one and only for a while.

Join me on a date
we’ll communicate
And don’t forget respect and love me every single day
‘Cause if you treat me well
I’ll be my perfect self
buying groceries
together getting what we need

You got that 9 to 5
but frankly so do I
But also some days I’ll be home and baking apple pies
Because I like to cook and
I can read a book
Sing along with me
Sing-sing along with me

You gotta know how to treat me like a person
Even when I’m acting pensive
don’t tell me everything’s alright

Dear future partner,
Here’s a few things you’ll need to know if you wanna be
My one and only for a while
Dear future partner,
If you wanna get that special lovin’
tell me your needs and listen to mine every night

After every fight
We’ll apologize
And maybe then we can try to have some compromise
And if I was wrong
you know you will challenge me
Let’s disagree.
disagree respectfully.

You gotta know how to treat me like a person
Even when I’m acting pensive
and everything’s not alright

Dear future partner,
Here’s a few things
You’ll need to know if you wanna be
My one and only for a while
Dear future partner,
Make time for me
Don’t leave me lonely
And know we’ll always see your family and see mine

I’ll be sleeping on the outside of the bed
Open doors for me and you might get some thanks
Please have a dirty mind
and be overtly kind
Don’t buy me a thing
buy me a thing

You gotta know how to treat me like a person
Even when I’m acting pensive
and everything’s not alright

Dear future partner,
Here’s a few things you’ll need to know if you wanna be
My one and only for a while
Dear future partner,
If you wanna get that special lovin’
tell me your needs and listen to mine every night

Future partner let’s love each other right

Feature pie credit: Steph, all rights reserved.

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Steph

Steph

Steph recently traded single parenthood to two awesome kids (3 and 7) for marriage to a great guy with two awesome kids (5 and 10). Their adventures in parenting are set in a tiny town in the middle of a corn field. Their newest edition is due in February 2017. In late 2015 she left her stressful, more than full-time job with a victim services agency to pursue writing and activism. When she's not busy writing, chasing kids around, cleaning up messes and engaging in social justice warfare, Steph enjoys snuggling, making pies, engaging in debates on the internet, yoga, and fitness. A recovered natural parent, Steph now considers herself a semi-crunchy peaceful parent and trusts science, evidence and common sense to lead the way. She has been actively involved in the reproductive and women's rights movements for more than 20 years and is a passionate pro-choice feminist.

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