BabiesHumor

The First 12 Days of Parenthood

Well, It’s time to change my bio. My newest baby is here. I will tell my birth story a little later (full of amazing feats of science and medicine bringing us both safely through the process). First, I would like to share a little song my spouse and I wrote together, commemorating the first 12 days of parenthood, Grounded Parents’ style. Please sing to the tune of 12 days of Christmas. What? You don’t want to sing? It’s impossible not to, now that you’ve gotten it in your head. Besides, it may come in handy the next time you are desperately trying to remember the words to a “normal” lullaby and end up singing Bob Marley or Nine Inch Nails to your baby. If you get through the whole thing I will post something amazing at the end.

12 Days of Parenthood

On the first day of parenthood
my true love said to me:
Stay alive, and try to stay sane.

On the second day of parenthood
my true love said to me:
Feed everyone,
Stay alive, and try to stay sane.

On the third day of parenthood
my true love said to me:
He’s so cute.
Feed everyone,
Stay alive, and try to stay sane.

On the fourth day of parenthood
my true love said to me:
For fuck’s sake.
He’s so cute.
Feed everyone,
Stay alive, and try to stay sane.

On the fifth day of parenthood
My true love said to me:
Please stop obsessing!
For fuck’s sake.
He’s so cute.
Feed everyone,
Stay alive, and try to stay sane.

On the sixth day of parenthood
My true love said to me:
Is she still breathing?
Please stop obsessing!
For fuck’s sake.
He’s so cute.
Feed everyone,
Stay alive, and try to stay sane.

On the seventh day of parenthood
My true love said to me:
Why don’t you take a shower?
Is she still breathing?
Please stop obsessing!
For fucks sake,
He’s so cute.
Feed everyone,
Stay alive, and try to stay sane.

On the eighth day of parenthood
My true love said to me:
Is this poop normal?
Why don’t you take a shower?
Is she still breathing?
Please stop obsessing!
For fuck’s sake.
He’s so cute.
Feed everyone,
Stay alive, and try to stay sane.

On the ninth day of parenthood
My true love said to me:
Why won’t he sleep?
Is this poop normal?
Why don’t you take a shower?
Is she still breathing?
Please stop obsessing!
For fuck’s sake.
He’s so cute.
Feed everyone,
Stay alive, and try to stay sane.

On the tenth day of parenthood
My true love said to me:
Honey, get some rest.
Why won’t he sleep?
Is this poop normal?
Why don’t you take a shower?
Is she still breathing?
Please stop obsessing!
For fuck’s sake.
He’s so cute.
Feed everyone,
Stay alive, and try to stay sane.

On the eleventh day of parenthood
My true love said to me:
It’s your turn to get up.
Honey, get some rest.
Why won’t he sleep?
Is this poop normal?
Why don’t you take a shower?
Is she still breathing?
Please stop obsessing!
For fuck’s sake.
He’s so cute.
Feed everyone,
Stay alive, and try to stay sane.

On the twelfth day of parenthood
My true love said to me:
We are still alive!
It’s your turn to get up.
Honey, get some rest.
Why won’t he sleep?
Is this poop normal?
Why don’t you take a shower?
Is she still breathing?
Please stop obsessing!
For fuck’s sake.
He’s so cute.
Feed everyone,
Stay alive, and try to stay sane.

Image Credits: Steph, all rights reserved

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Steph

Steph is a mom, stepmom, freelance writer, and advocate. When she's not busy writing, chasing kids around, cleaning up messes, and trying to change the world, Steph enjoys snuggling, making pies, politics, reading paranormal fiction, yoga, and fitness. A fully recovered natural parent, Steph now trusts science, evidence, and common sense to lead the way. She has been actively involved in the reproductive and women's rights movements for more than 20 years and is a passionate pro-choice feminist. Her writing can be found on Grounded Parents, Romper, The Cut, and other print and online publications

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