FertilityPregnancy & ChildbirthUncategorized

Dear Girlfriend

Dear Girlfriend/Sister/Cousin,

I am really excited to hear about your impending bundle of joy! I will try to be a great friend and confidant. But I can’t guarantee it.

When you go on at length about how easy it was to get pregnant, when you heard that a majority of women take less than 6 months. All the while joking about you were hoping to have a little more “fun trying.” wink, wink Please know that the off put look on my face is not because I am not happy for you. It’s there because we tried for five years to get our one baby. It’s because after awhile trying to get pregnant feels like work. There are tests and thermometers and so many other things.

When something is a little off, weird cramping or bleeding, and you need someone to tell you not to worry everything will be fine, I’m not the friend you need. I know that 15-50% (depending on how you calculate) of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I know that often these symptoms are often signs of nothing, but they are also signs that you could wake up one morning with blood running down your legs and your dreams shattered.

I will be excited, and happy for you when I get your invite to the baby shower. Of course if I have been triggered there is a small chance that I will *forget* to RSVP and not be able to attend. My baby shower landed between the Friday my grandmother passed away and the Monday of her funeral. Then again, I may be just fine and have a wonderful time.

Also, about your birth plan. Just remember, it’s a plan and plans can change.

Pregnancy is complicated for me. Most of my pregnancy with Pickle was wonderful. I have silly moments, and fond memories. I had moments that scared me badly that worked out to make me a better person. But I have bad memories tied into the experience as well. I don’t tell you this to gain sympathy but to remind you that things might be more complicated than you realize.

Please, share your happiness and expectations, but please, please, give me my space when I pull away.


Lots and lots of love,



featured image


I'm thirty-something and lucky enough have a job doing SCIENCE! I live in Madison, WI with five chickens, three dogs, two partners and one munchkin. Someday I would love to live on a big compound with my whole poly-family and goats.

Related Articles

Leave a Reply