Being a Bitch Eating Crackers

Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. “Look at this bitch, eating those crackers like she owns the place.”

If you spend time on social media or internet forums, you may have heard the phrase: “Bitch Eating Crackers” or BEC. Generally, it is invoked when someone is treating someone else unfairly in a debate or engaging in ad hominem attacks that seem to be based on events that happened in the past, long before the current discussion. I have been known to post this meme when I see this kind of ridiculousness. 1326934140959_1583350

The other day, however, I discovered that I was someone’s bitch eating crackers. It was a startling realization. A person on Facebook who I don’t know and with whom I don’t ever recall having had a conversation, posted this comment on a thread where I had also commented. The discussion was about a benign medical topic. I didn’t even say anything offensive (shocking). I made a joke about the debate being way more intense on the subject than one might expect. I am such a big person that I didn’t even reply to her comment. Not even to correct her grammar.


Apparently my friend (who she was addressing with the comment) and I are over here enjoying some crackers like we own the place.

Don’t misunderstand. I admit to being an acquired taste. I have very strong opinions about which I am generally not willing to compromise. Very strong, unpopular opinions about feminism, abortion, parenting, and cake. Yeah, I generally dislike cake. Do you have a problem with that? I digress.

A few months ago, I realized for the first time that people in a large Facebook mom’s group had blocked me. My first thought was – Me? Really? Wow. I made this realization during a debate thread about abortion where it seemed like I was missing half of the conversation, because I was missing half of the conversation. It was somewhat confusing and upsetting. But, heck, I block anti-choice people and anti-feminist people all the time for my mental health, so if they have chosen to block me and lead simpler, happier lives without being challenged by someone as awesome as me, more power to them.

For me, it feels entirely different to be someone’s bitch eating crackers.

How does it feel? I am glad you asked. Powerful, amused and sad all at the same time. I personally can’t imagine giving someone else so much power over me that their mere presence offends me, no matter what they are doing or saying. What a waste of time and energy. I just block them and move on. It is kind of amusing that merely seeing my name triggers a word vomit response, especially when they agree with my point. Why am I sad? I want to be liked. Who doesn’t? But not at the expense of my values and beliefs. Life is too short to pretend to be someone you are not. I am not willing to let misogyny, racism, sexism, violence, etc. go unchallenged. I also am unwilling to soften my edges and ignore injustice. Fuck. That. Noise.

So, from now on, I dub the fallacy of closing your mind to an idea because you dislike the person sharing the idea – the “bitch eating crackers fallacy.” I know I have been guilty of this in the past, but I will try to stick to the merits of an argument or evidence versus letting my personal feelings override my reasoning ability. That is, unless the person is the Feminist Breeder, Food Babe, Modern Alternative Mama, Dr. Mercola or pretty much the entire Republican party…I can safely say their “opinions” are not likely to be based on evidence or feminist principles, and I am comfortable using my past experience with them to save time and start my analysis from a more critical place.

And if you are reading this, person who hates me so much that anything I say or do is offensive, I am proud to be a bitch and am really enjoying my crackers. Can you send over some cheese and wine?

Featured Image Credit: Nomadic Lass


Steph is a mom, stepmom, freelance writer, and advocate. When she's not busy writing, chasing kids around, cleaning up messes, and trying to change the world, Steph enjoys snuggling, making pies, politics, reading paranormal fiction, yoga, and fitness. A fully recovered natural parent, Steph now trusts science, evidence, and common sense to lead the way. She has been actively involved in the reproductive and women's rights movements for more than 20 years and is a passionate pro-choice feminist. Her writing can be found on Grounded Parents, Romper, The Cut, and other print and online publications

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  1. Maybe I missed the joke, but when you said: “unless the person is the Feminist Breeder, Food Babe, Modern Alternative Mama, Dr. Mercola or pretty much the entire Republican party”, didn’t you just Bitch-Eating-Crackers like half of the US population?

    This fallacy already does seem to have a name (ad hominem), but I wish you had gotten to name it first!

    Love the blog; keep eatin’ those crackers!

    1. That is the joke. This is sarcasm. And bitch eating crackers is slightly different from ad hominem. Ad hominem is when you attack a person, not their presented case. This is more like not being willing to hear someone’s case in the first place, because you hate them so much.

  2. This reminds me of how every time Rebecca Watson posts a video there’s a swarm of dedicated assholes who ooze out of the woodwork to insult her looks or vaguely insinuate that they’ll rape her. They hate her because that’s the only thing they know how to do.

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